


Honest Pieces

by boyonthebluemoon



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Band Fic, Depression, Drama, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 17:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17370443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyonthebluemoon/pseuds/boyonthebluemoon
Summary: He was Awsten Knight, and he felt lost and alone.





	Honest Pieces

**_//We were made in America…//_**

Awsten Knight wasn't made for ripped jeans or scuffed dirty sneakers. He wasn't made for complicated tricks on dangerous skateboards or organ-destroying vices. He wasn't made for edgy dark tones and sticky black eyeliner. He was more pop than punk, to be accurate.

He liked fluffy oversized sweaters and soft pastel aesthetics. He liked living it safe and healthy and being completely conscious with himself. He especially liked messing around and not taking anything too seriously, and having an honest mentality.

But Awsten never fucked around. He wouldn't sugarcoat his words with bullshit. He wouldn't go out of his way just to please everyone. He wouldn't change who he was, just because other people told him to; just because normal, boring society wanted him to. If they couldn't deal with him, then goodbye and good riddance.

**_//We're classic hysteria...//_ **

Maybe that's why Geoff constantly shot him those irritatingly concerned glances whenever they passed by each other, but did nothing more and nothing less. Maybe that's why he hadn't seen Otto in three weeks, after his drummer friend suddenly decided to take a "vacation", probably to get away from all the drama, who knows. Maybe that's why Travis was always too busy writing his next dumb book to invite him to their weekly slumber parties anymore. Maybe that's why Jawn ignored him now and refused to even talk to him after their petty little argument erupted into a full-blown fight, completely fucking up their friendship forever.

**_//We're culture clashing...//_ **

 

* * *

 

**Interlude I: Lowlife Highlights**

"Hey, I was just on my way home when you called me. What did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, sorry about that...I promise this won't take long and well...there's really no good way to put it, but here goes."

_Oh god, I think I already know what he's gonna say. Damn it. Don't do this to me. Just don't. Don't._

"To be completely honest, I'm really worried for you. What you're doing to yourself...i-it just isn't healthy anymore. I don't mean to sound like I'm imposing in your life or anything, but...I'm your friend, and I promise I'll always be here, okay? We all are. And we care about you a lot...you don't have to go through this alone. It's so hard to tell you this, and I'm really sorry to have to say it so bluntly, but you—you need help, Awsten."

_Hell, I get it Geoff, I really do, believe me. I want to trust you. But just...say it. I just need myself to stop being a coward and admit it…_

"Well I'm not sorry for this, but you seriously need to keep your fucking pity party out of other people's shit!"

_Fuck, why did I snap at him like that. Liar. I'm such a liar._

 

* * *

 

**Interlude II: Faux Spiritual**

_A thin smile. A stiff hug._

“Yeah, that's just—oh damn, I didn't even notice the time, but it's getting kinda late. It was great catching up with you and everything, but I better be off now, sorry. I have an afternoon flight to chase."

“Pffft, don't worry about that, just have a nice trip and have fun and don't get into too much trouble there, you dork."

_A quiet laugh. A swallowed plea._

"I'll miss you a lot, Aws. Don't worry though, I'll send you lots and lots of postcards and letters and stuff, and I'll even buy you one of those weird looking bobbleheads and some cheesy tourist t-shirts when I get back—or, sorry, do you want those dumb overpriced fridge magnets for your collection instead...?"

_A guilty glance. An awkward beat._

"When will you be back?"

 _A final tired sigh._ "That, I don't know."

 

* * *

 

**Interlude III: Online//Offline**

_Dialing...dialing...dialing…_

[Hey, it's the creepy disembodied voice recording of Travis, oOOoOh...okay that sounded lamer than I thought. How do you delete that? Anyway, sorry I can't answer the phone right now, I'm probably staring blankly at a wall somewhere trying to find some inspiration, but feel free to leave a message.]

“Dude, it's me again—hi. I hope you're doing alright and all. Ahaha, don't know why I keep bugging you, guess I'm just bored. Also! Looking forward to reading your new work, Mr. Bigshot freaking author. Hopefully you'll show that to me soon, you secretive ass. And I also wanted to talk to you about......nevermind. Yeah, just uh, just checking in and stuff. I'll catch up with you later, maybe. If you're not too busy swallowing a dictionary or whatever weird shit it is that you writers do."

_Three beeps. A cold click. Another subsequent missed call._

 

* * *

 

**Final Interlude: Showtime In Filtered Frames**

"Stop. **_Stop it._ ** Just stop that already! God, why do you always expect everything to always be your way and nothing less? It's almost short of selfish now. I just—I just really wish that you'd stop pushing me away and set your high pride aside for once, because sooner or later it's going to end up killing you."

"Fuck you. Fuck you! You don't fucking know me. You don't have the right to just fucking judge me like—like that! You don't know shit Jawn so stop acting so goddamn condescending!"

"I know you better than anyone else for fuck's sake, so why don't you stop acting like such a child for once!”

“...”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for that. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just...look, you're my best friend and I love you, but you're just too...difficult sometimes. Your tantrums and immaturity, it gets to your head too much, and it hurts me watching you be like this. It really does. We're here too, Aws, and you have to listen to us for once and stop shutting all of us out, because we just want you to get better. I'm trying my very best, I swear to god I am, but I'm just...I don't...I can't—I can't deal with you anymore. Not like this. Not right now."

"What the hell does that mean? Why are you saying all that bullshit? What, are you just going to let me—let _this_ all simply fall apart? Is that what you want? _**Is that what you fucking want?!**_ "

"I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Jawn, _please_..."

"Goodbye, Awsten."

 

* * *

 

**_//Hazard smashing...//_ **

Maybe that's why Awsten was all alone now.  
  
But he was Awsten Constantine Knight. He never broke down. He never cried like a total pissbaby. He never let his anxious and depressed emotions get the best of him, just because his long-suffering brain was practically begging him to.  
  
He was the worst. He was misunderstood. He was egotistical. He was lusting for what he was missing, but he'll never admit that out loud. Because he was fucked. He was fucked and he didn't care at all. He wouldn't care. _He shouldn't..._  
  
Shaking all those awful thoughts away, Awsten curled up on his bed and buried his head under the pillow. He desperately to make himself small enough to completely disappear, but to no such luck. Instead, he simply huddled further at the very corner of his room, where the colder shadows feel like home and the bad memories might not be able to reach him if they tried.  
  
Putting his headphones on, Awsten plugged it in his phone and automatically set his playlist on shuffle. He didn't mind whatever kind of music came on, whether it was a primal screaming voice or a senseless techno lullaby, whatever. It didn't matter. The silence felt too painful to bear anymore. He just wanted to shut his own brain out. He just wanted another faded distraction to numb off the rest of the world. He just wanted to stop listening to himself for once. His stupid, stupid self.  
  
He was Awsten Knight, he always was and always will be. He never apologised, the way they all constantly did to him, one way or another. He never admitted to his mistakes, even though it was already destroying him and hurting everyone else. He was always goddamn right, no matter what.

And he was so fucking sick of himself.

He was...Awsten. Just that. Just a touched up name. No one special. No one important. No one at all. He didn't know who he was anymore. He didn't care anymore. He never cared. Maybe they never did, either. Lies. Lies. Lies.

  
_Maybe someone's...?_


End file.
